Tips to weaken problematic interactions (3) via externalizing a problem-strengthening IDEA

Aim or sub-task           Guiding questions
Explore with curiosity the nature, history, effects, and tactics of the (potentially problematic) idea     What is it that worries you the most about the (e.g,.  ‘misbehavior’) issue? (e.g.,  “Kids should always comply with their parents”; “her disobedience”) How does the idea that your child should always comply with you interferes in your life? How has this idea affected your relationship with your child? Where is this idea more influential? How does this idea manage to convince you of its “truth”? When did you start “blindly obeying” this idea? It is unacceptable, for you, that your child seems not to comply with you, or not comply to certain principles or standards? What would those be? Respecting other’s rights? Caring about personal safety? Self-control? Other?
Explore unique outcomes Has there ever been a time when your child did not comply with what you were saying, but you thought it was nevertheless acceptable? What happened on this occasion? What was different? What did you do? What did s/he do? What did your partner say? What was the first thing you noticed? How did you know that his disobedience was not “bad”? What was the valuable principle s/he was “covertly obeying” in this “good disobedience”? What have you done that has helped your child to obey this important principle? What else?  
Explore future effects of unique outcome If your child believed that it is more important to you that s/he complies with certain principles, rather than complying with you, what do you think would happen to the problem? If your child believed that you worry more about mutually ignoring or distrusting one another, than how much s/he complies with your wishes, what do you think would happen to the problem? If could child was convinced about your good intentions, what would this mean to you? Who would be the most surprised if s/he did get convinced? Who would be the least surprised? Why? What would be different in your life? What would be different in your relationship with your child?

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