Some ideas that could foster “calming down” (#27)

  • “Neglect, unwillingness or opposition is one thing; lack of ability or self-confidence is different”.
  • “Anxiety (or feelings of inadequacy) usually interferes someone’s performance and skills”
  • “Express or repress (or supress): Hiding anxiety may make anxiety worse”
  •  “Being really understood is the best antidote for anguish, distress, and anxiety”
  • “Stating someone’s overt behavior is easy; understanding the underlying intention or state of mind can be more difficult”.
  • “Everyone may have a particular way of experiencing reality; without listening what’s going on for the other, there’s no way of understanding or helping the other”
  • “Empathy is the beginning of change”
  • “First you need time and help to put yourself together”
  • “Parental demandingness is not enough; warmth and sensitivity are also key for kids to flourish”
  • “Self-efficacy beliefs are key to perform well”

Some “truths” linked to “Getting Anxious” (#27)

  • “My child is simply neglectful”
  • “My child is unwilling to do things right”
  • “My child is oppositional”
  • “My child is just stupid”
  • “The only way to help my child doing things right is letting them know when they are wrong”
  • “Only bad friends/neglectful parents tell you that you are doing alright when you are not”
  • “I have tried being nice and everything else, but nothing works with him/her”
  • “What my child is doing is against my principles; I cannot tolerate it”
  • “tolerating her behavior makes me complicit; I will lose authority”
  • “I’m just telling the truth; I don’t like lying”
  • (Feeding questioning oneself) “They know better, I deserve this”
  • “I am just a kid, I have not rights”
  • “I should know how to do this right on my own; I just suck”
  • “I don’t have emotional needs; that’s for the weak”
  • “Communicating needs is useless”
  • “Nobody will understand me”
  • “Nobody really cares so I won’t even try doing things better”
  • Add your own

Some ideas that could foster “Exercising inner control” (#1)

  • “My child rejects outer control (maybe he wants to learn how to self-control)”
  • “Her misconduct is a form of protest against maltreatment”
  • “Controlling oneself is not easy: it requires a lot of practice and support”
  • “Children have a natural need/desire for autonomy”
  • “Her protest is a call for help”

Some “truths” linked to “losing control” (#1)

  • “Kids should always comply with their parents”
  • “Kids are unable to self-control”
  • “My daughter wants to manipulate (or control) me”
  • “My child is bad”
  • “My child is defiant”
  • “My child has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)”
  • “He is just like his father; it’s genetic”
  • “I was the same as a kid”
  • “I must intervene; If I let them alone, they will kill each other”